CHOOKIES - Rules for Life Rule 1: Be Curious (Ask a billion Q's).

Image 1 - "What's in the FUCKING box man?!". Okay I'll tell you, but first, time to focus

Curiousity

We all know what curiousity is (it's the thing that killed the cat - duhh).

And I bet if asked, we would all respond with "yeah, I'm pretty curious."

But most of the time, our curiousity is wasted on things we are unconsciously curious about.

Random things that trigger our FOMO like:

• Global news

• Celebrity events

• Pop culture references

  • (The question "What does rizz mean?" was googled over a million times in 2023, and with average google sessions lasting around 1 minute, that means that we together spent 2.3 years googling rizz last year... incredible stuff.)

• Random loot boxes in video games
  

  • (Loot boxes made $15 billion in revenue in 2020, and is forecast to generate $20 billion by 2025, despite increasing global regulation... curiosity killing cats & wallets!)

• And even, what treasure might be found in other people's hard rubbish

  • (Okay, admittedly, this one is SUPER hard to ignore!)

BUT, what if I told you that by consciously aiming your curiousity, you could improve your:

• Relationships

• Sex life

• Confidence

• Charisma (Rizzzz bebe)

• Kindness

• Character

• Career

• And all of your other pursuits too

... and all you've gotta do is say "what?", "why?", and "how?"

This article explores these questions and provides a perspective on:

• what curiousity is (and what curiousity isn't)

• why curiousity is one of our top Rules for Life

• and how to be more curious, in simple and straightforward ways

Okay, so let's start with the boring bits - the definitions.

The boring bits

Curiousity can be defined as:

"... a combination of intelligence, persistence, and hunger for novelty, all wrapped up in one. It's what psychologists might call a trait cluster."

Another definition seperates this trait cluster into 5 seperate dimensions of curiosity:

1) Joyous Exploration - the joy of learning and growing.

2) Deprivation Sensitivity - pondering abstract or complex ideas.

3) Stress Tolerance - the willingness to embrace doubt/confusion/anxiety in exploring new/complex/unexpected things.

4) Social Curiosity - wanting to know what other people are thinking and doing.

5) Thrill Seeking - the willingness to take physical, social, and financial risks to acquire varied, complex, and intense experiences.

While both of these definitions are useful, my personal favourite is:

"Be curious, not judgemental."

In other words, curiousity is the opposite of judgement.

Just to clarify, judgement can mean 2 things here:

1. Objective judgement = Identifying or categorising things based on facts

2. Subjective judgement = Assessing things based on feelings/opinions (e.g. "good/bad", "right/wrong", "hot/not", etc.)

We are talking about # 2 here.

You see, it's not possible to be curious and judgemental about something at the same time.

Judgement is saying "I have enough information to make a call on this", and

curiousity is saying "I don't have enough information to make a call on this... let me dig a little deeper."

In this way, curiousity encourages us to ask more questions, create more understanding, and extend more empathy, deepening our relationships and helping us to lean towards richer, and more meaningful, life experiences along the way.

And the beautiful part is, curiousity starts with you.

Image 2 - Ned Lasso, about to describe his own personal journey.

Starting with me - My personal journey

You see, like most kids, I was a curious little critter when I was a kid.

Image 3 - Smart means curious, in case you were wondering. Cute is still cute tho... rizz bebe

I remember being really curious growing up.

I'd pull things apart and put them back together, even inventing my own vacuum cleaner from a tissue box and a toilet roll one day, and that was fun, even if it wasn't "cool".

But somewhere along the way, I got a little lost...

I stopped asking questions of myself.

I stopped asking questions of the world.

I stopped walking up to people, arms down by my sides, and just saying

"Hey, I'm Ned... wanna play??"

Instead, I became solely focused on "fitting in"; on "being cool".

I became so focused on belonging, that I didn't realise how judgemental I became.

I became so judgemental that I developed an inner-voice to act as my inner-judge...

My inner-critic.

And it was his job to "keep me safe from the judgement of others"... by telling myself the worst possible things about myself first, before they had a chance to judge me on them.

So, that's how I became so judgemental.

And I went on judging.

Judging myself. Judging the world.

Judging my judgements, and judging them "good" or "bad".

I became so focused on "being right" & "being accepted" that I forgot to focus on:

Does any of this even matter? Is any of this even real?

Does any of this bring me joy? Do I even know how I feel?

This, my friends, is the endless spiral of the judgemental mind, and shows you just what happens if you let your inner-critic run wild.

And trust me, he runs wild way more easily, and way more often, than we'd all like to admit.

He's the reason why we waste our time with FOMO, or with googling rizz.

And most of all, he's the reason why we can lose our selves, in really important ways.

I didn't even know who I was when I was by myself.

I didn't even know if I liked myself.

And certainly, I didn't talk to my self.

But, all that came to an end a few short years ago.

I no longer needed to "fit in" or "be cool".

I realised that there was nothing "wrong" with me.

And that that was just a subjective judgement, and showed a basic lack of curiousity.

So, after what felt like forever, I finally stopped caring so much about the opinions of others.

I started trying to trust myself again.

Started trying to explore my curiousity more.

And to really, truly, see myself.

So, I'd like to encourage you to do the same.

And to start by practicing some small, baby steps.

Baby Steps - How to be more (intentionally) curious

Try these simple and straightforward steps:

Step 1 - Shut the hell up for a second.

• For most people, the biggest hurdle to curiousity is to actually just shutting the hell up for a second.

• Shut up for long enough to let your inner-critic run out of steam (and trust me, he will), and let your curiousity start to stir up inside you.

  • If you have trouble shutting up - go for a walk in nature (by yourself), and see how long you can go without talking.

  • It doesn't need to be a 10-day hike in the mountains. Literally just go for a walk outside for 30 mins, and practice not talking the entire time.

  • Don't talk inside your head either.

  • Just focus on your breathing, and step by step, walk.

• In a conversational setting, this looks like active listening - practice being curious about what the other person has to say.

• Practice this as an act of courage.

• And it is courage, because usually, the reason why we interrupt people is because we're scared.

  • Scared of where the conversation is going.

  • Scared of what we might say afterwards.

  • Scared of not being heard in the conversation.

  • Scared of being judged by others.

• We're so uncomfortable with just sitting & waiting & listening, that we interrupt the other person all the time.

• Otherwise, we may twitch & flinch & react to every single thought that crosses our mind while we're listening, never realising just how disresspectful it might be to the other person, that we've stopped listening simply to flinch at our own thoughts.

• And god forbid the conversation ends up with us "being wrong".

  • More on this in:

  • Rule 2: Be Vulnerable (The best conversations are a little uncomfortable).

• But the truth of the matter is this:

  • Words can't hurt you, but

  • Listening (and being listened to) can & will heal you.

• So be brave and shut the hell up for a second.

• Show other people the respect that they deserve, and in turn, you will both feel safer, more comfortable, more playful, and in general, will trust each other more - because there is no judgement here, only curiousity.

Step 2 - Don't judge your emotions. Get curious on those too.

• This is particularly true with negative emotions like depression, anxiety, etc.

• It's not really helpful to judge those emotions as "bad", and then try to avoid them.

  • In fact, avoiding them will just make it worse.

• This is because emotions are signals - they are trying to tell you something.

  • It might be something silly like - "If I say the wrong thing in front of this cute boy/girl, I'm gonna die!"

  • Or it might be something serious like - "There is a deep well of sadness growing inside me, and I don't know what to do or how to deal with it."

  • Whatever it is that your emotions are telling you - you need to stop, listen & get curious.

• To get curious about your emotions, you'll need to learn the language of your emotions first.

• So ask yourself (maybe after the fact):

  • "Why did I feel that?"

  • "Where did this feeling come from?"

  • "What is this feeling trying to tell me?"

  • "What am I trying to avoid?"

  • "And what can I do to make it better?"

• Finally, you should understand this:
  

  • You will never be healed of your emotions if you don't stop & listen to them.

  • Never. No exceptions.

• So, stop doom scrolling and buying loot boxes, and ask yourself this:

  • "What are my emotions trying to tell me?"

Step 3 - Use the "5 why's method"

• For those who want a more practical approach, consider trying the 5 why's method.
  

  • It's fairly simple - ask "why" 5 times before you make any judgements, or take any actions, about a thing.

• The 5 why's method is particularly useful in conversational and psychological settings.

• This is because people don't usually share their deepest, darkest secrets right away, and need time to warm up & feel safe before they:
  

  • share those thoughts to explore them together, or

  • hide them away, so they hide themselves away from you.

• So what better gift to give than to invite people to feel comfortable, to feel safe, to talk about whatever is present for them right now in this moment, and to grant them space enough to work through those things in a non-judgemental environment.
  

• Note that the greatest part about this gift is that - if you help someone on their healing journey, they will typically offer you the same gift in return.

  • Isn't that a wonderful upward spiral!

• So, lend them the light of your consciousness, through your curiousity and your attention, and allow people to see themselves, so that you may see your self too.

Conclusion

Curiousity is the opposite of judgement, and ensures that we dig a little deeper before making any decisions in life.

It ensures we create a safe space for others, and in turn, create a safe space for our selves.

It encourages play.

It gives us more time.

It allows us to open our hearts.

And to believe, even if just for a moment, that we are valuable, at least enough to be really, truly heard before being judged.

So create space for your humanity to shine.

Lighten your load, and give your friends one of the greatest gifts of all time.

Tell them it's okay to say

Hey, I'm Ned too... and I wanna play too..."

What would you like to be more curious about?