God.

29/03/2022

What is my God? Do I have a God?

I... sense... the presence... of something greater.

I've seen it in my DMT trip. Felt the awe of it in sacred moments.

Thought over and over about it - what people mean when they say it, or why He (or She) would do this (or that) to us...

It makes me think - "what kind of a God would I want to believe in?"

I find it difficult to accept God as defined by religion.

The boundaries, the density; the pressure, the pain; the hatred, the malevolence; the vengeance, and wrath, injustice and judgement... and even the duality... it all feels to tragic and knotted for my sensitive and weary heart...

I want a God that makes sense.

A kind, loving God.

A God that seeks beauty the way I do.

A God just like me, only better...

How is it possible that He can condemn all his haters/non-believers to an eternal damnation, and at the same time leave all his lovers/believers in an eternal place of doubt, darkness, confusion and isolation??

I don't know if I could do that to my loved ones...

But can I let go? Can I accept non-belief?

I don't know if I could do that either...

But surely, accepting that I don't know, allows me to know that I don't know.

And therefore, maybe, not know that I know???

Maybe I do...

But what are even left with in that instance?

We are left with a fuzzy God.

An explanation, a justification; a hope, a dream; a desire, a wish; perhaps... a message.

What we are left with is this:

"There is something infinite & unknowable around us.

Above us. Below us. Within us. Without us."

And we know it when we smell the flowers.

When we kiss a lover.

When we laugh with one another.

When we hear music.

Or feel ecstasy.

Or simply embrace the sunshine, on our warm and wet faces.

And in those moments.

We can close our eyes, and look within.

Because in those moments, we are in the presence of the divine.

And it shines so damn bright, that we have to close our eyes, to feel it more deeply.

To reconnect with the spirit.

With the soul.

With the whole.

To feel at once in love, unbounded, deeply-connected.

And at the same time, alone, grounded, tragically-seperated.

Such is the nature of our lives.

The lives within.

And the lives without.

Happy Pitch Day.